Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
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Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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