party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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