so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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