I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
