that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
