Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
