And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
