I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
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So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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