I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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