i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
