My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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