I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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