its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
