I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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