I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
wow bdsm is so cute
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
