Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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