apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
