I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
