btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
