I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
