Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
