Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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