Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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