Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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