I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
