If i come over, it means nothing
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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