we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
