I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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