By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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