Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
