is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
