He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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