Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You've changed since you got that strap on
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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