i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
