oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
