i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
