dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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