I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
