He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
