called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Randomize
