It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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