It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
