Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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