Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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