Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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