So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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