remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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