i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
