Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
