At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
