I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
