So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it was like eating out sand paper
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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