my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
