If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
