U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
