On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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