i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
