You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
