The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
