you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
