Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
