I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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