dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
