I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
did i walk over a car last night?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
