I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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