lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Two words: blizzard sex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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