I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
