Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
