Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I deserve this hangover.
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