This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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