i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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