Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
