i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Floor bacon is actually really good
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
